1. If a living poet's been widely published or commented on, their work must be brilliant so slavishly copy their techniques and mannerisms. This is not plagiarism or derivativeness – it's recognition of their genius.

2. Drop in frequently to public poetry events. Be seen and introduce yourself casually by name but don't let on that you're a poet.

3. At these events, applaud enthusiastically whenever others do, regardless of your opinion about the poem just read.

4. Suck up to anyone you find there who's been published. Make sure they hear your name but don't let on that you're a poet. If they find out, this will look like modesty.

5. Research the techniques and mannerisms of competition judges and write your entries specifically to match the judges' expectations.

6. Ideally, enter competitions where poets you've met are judging.

7. Get your name known widely in public by posting on social media about your intimate bodily functions.

8. As well posting specially written poems on social media, create an independent personal web site all about yourself and link back to it as often as possible.

9. Once you've won a prize or had a couple of poems published, start pontificating loudly about standards both on social media and on your own web site.

10. Make dogmatic statements about acceptable and unacceptable style and content.

11. Either offer no justification for these statements or justify them wordily in such vague and subjective terms that challenging them is almost impossible.

12. Worm your way onto competition judging or offer a reviewing service for novice poets (or preferably both).

13. Ruthlessly reject and castigate any work that doesn't conform to your own style and tastes.

14. Keep your production volume up as quantity is the best route to wide and continued recognition.

15. Accept a lucrative book contract, a major award or residency and bask in the realisation that you've arrived.

 Of course everything depends on what you consider to be success 
 (and whether you have a strong enough stomach). 

  [1] yes, this is satire